how to spend valentine’s day alone (and everyday after that)...

my guide to all things hearts & comforting

let it be stated on record that i absolutely adore valentine’s day. if there was one holiday that could be year round, i would nominate this one and as someone who is fully aware most superficial holidays exist as marketing schemes, i am still undoubtedly the most susceptible target for this trap because put hearts, pinks, and reds on anything and i will want to buy it. don’t get me started on the companies tapping into nostalgia within recent years through the incorporation of hello kitty, strawberry shortcake, snoopy and all sorts of cutesy cartoon branding for their products. i’m a sucker for it.

and of course we’ve got all the imagery and themes associated with valentine’s day through our cultural zeitgeist. what comes to mind when most people think of this day? flowers, heart shaped chocolate boxes, italian dinners (i don’t know why but it’s always a pasta, candle-lit italian dinner that comes to mind), soft jazz, teddy bears, bubble baths, and literally every lovely experience i want embedded in my life every single day forever. i think most people can relate to envisioning at least some of these notions in relation to this day. could it be the effects of all the romcoms we’ve been fed?

i don’t know, but let it be further stated that i’ve never experienced this romantic whirlwind firsthand, never been with a man, and never in my twenty years have i been in a relationship. this is all from a severe lack of trying not because i don’t fancy and dream of the stuff that makes up every piece of media i’ve consumed as the hopeless romantic i am (i’ve been reading romance novels since elementary school, this romanticism is severe…) but exactly because i desire this dreamy notion of love and quite frankly nothing less. and yes, i’ve been told i’m way too unrealistic for all the standards i possess but i’m also luckily someone who loves being alone, so remaining single forever is not my worst case scenario, that would be settling. also as mentioned at twenty, i’ve been told by some i still have time (i’m in no rush) but by some standards i am very behind.

all that to say that my deep appreciation for the beautiful day that is valentine’s is not tied to any person or any relationship but purely for loving the day as it is and more often than not, spending it alone. here’s some of my tips and tricks for how to also love this day (and all those that come after it) whether you’ve always been alone, are newly alone, or have someone but still want to appreciate things alone.

let it also be known that years of self-hate turned into love because it’s a really appalling concept to realize how much time is wasted being harsh towards our one constant, ourselves. I won’t even give you a whole spiel about the importance of self-love and how to extinguish any negative voices in your head, that’s a discussion for another time and you may already be there or need lots of time and energy dedicated to undoing this mindset, at the very least however it is important to possess some self appreciation.

then realize that expecting things from people is a recipe for disappointment. not in a jaded way, of course having standards and desiring certain things, efforts, and experiences from people is acceptable and good, especially if there’s communication there. but if you are part of the single club and waiting to find the love of your life to finally experience the beauty that is cooking dinner in your dimly lit kitchen while listening to jazz or eating chocolate out of heart shaped boxes, or getting a bouquet of freshly arranged flowers at least ever so often, not only are you setting yourself up for potential disappointment but also wasting your time.

i truly hope that everyone gets the relationship and external love they desire but as many may say, fate is not in our hands. even if this relationship is acquired in let’s say a couple years, along with these experiences you’ve dreamt of and it’s all it’s cracked up to be, what about all the time wasted just waiting? there’s no rule that you can’t experience this stuff for yourself and hopefully when you find your dream person you get to add to that joy and feel a surplus of it, but don’t let a single person be the sole cause and reason behind the happiness you’re capable of possessing by yourself because while i pray everything works out in this potential relationship, letting someone be the root of your happiness also gives them the power to strip it from you and no one should be able to do that.

similarly, if you are in a relationship and still catch yourself waiting because you want these experiences but don’t want to voice it or beg for it or seem like reality is not meeting your expectations, my personal advice is always to cut your losses but let me not be harsh. do what you will with your relationship, even if we disagree, but let’s at least agree that if your partner is not giving what you’re wanting you should do it for yourself. buy the flowers and chocolates and cook the dinners and feel that joy (and then maybe realize you’re better off, but i digress..) because life is too short.

on a serious note, there’s actually a lot people stand to gain from your unhappiness, i could delve into the whims and traps of a capitalist society that profits off of our misery while simultaneously creating it, or maybe you’ve got a couple negative people in your life who you can’t cut out that feed off of it, misery loves company and all that. in a world like this, your happiness is not cheap and cannot be bought, protecting it and even forcing it is sometimes necessary because it’s all too easy to experience one too many bad mishaps and begin questioning the meaning for your living, most of us have been there but let’s not stay down there.

i’m going to share how i would personally experience my dream day (could be valentine’s, could be a day off) and maybe you’ll get inspired to project your own personal habits, interests, and desires to build an enjoyable day for yourself. firstly, i’ll wake up in my bed that’s grown overcrowded with different blankets, multiple pillows, and one too many stuffed animals - just how i like it. then i’ll realize i don’t have to be anywhere because i have no responsibilities on this fine day so i’ll roll away from the sun (i like sheer curtains) and afford myself the luxury of way too much sleep. once i get out of bed wearing my matching pajama set (a rarity but when i do i feel fancy) i’ll probably skip doing my typical routines and walk straight into the kitchen for a late breakfast, in fact let’s call it brunch. i’ll play some music while dedicating time to cooking a meal that i wouldn’t be able to squeeze in on a normal day. the music will probably be some fairuz (on constant loop recently) and the meal will be chocolate chip pancakes with berries i had just bought from the market. when i sit to eat i’ll put on some cartoons for nostalgia sake, strawberry shortcake, my personal favorite. i’ll take my time eating, won’t even look at the clock, and then i’ll clean much the same way i cooked - calmly and with music.

then i’ll take a long warm bubble bath, do my skin care routine, change into comfortable loungewear, make a warm cup of tea in my cute heart shaped mug and take advantage of having nothing planned to read a cheesy romance novel that provides no substance or productivity to my life but makes me giggle and dream a bit more. then i might make the hello kitty puzzle i’ve been meaning to make forever but always felt too guilty dedicating endless hours to an activity that is essentially meaningless (i know terrible way to think, but on this special day none of that exists). i’ll light my strawberry scented incense to create the atmosphere i’m going for. i’ll probably do this while watching a comfort movie. by the time i finish it will be dark and i won’t know how because i haven't been watching the clock like i typically do.

i’ll turn the small light in my kitchen on to cook dinner, i’ll play some jazz this time, maybe the peanuts soundtrack because why is it so good? then i’ll treat myself to a childhood favorite that is anything but a luxurious gourmet meal - some cheap ramen (i try to eat healthy for my own sake most days but sometimes the soul needs something more and this is one of those days). once i’m settled in, i’ll put on one of my favorite turkish shows and spend way too long watching.

after eating i’ll bake some heart shaped cookies, i’ll probably use a box mix because i’m rarely an adventurous baker (too many years of baking obsessions resulted in burn out) and once they’re cooled i’ll use the frosting that i definitely did not make from scratch (tried that once, terrible experience) and i’ll decorate the cutest cookies and feel like i’m doing arts & crafts again. I’ll light some candles while doing this because i only like the sweet scented stuff (vanillas, cocoas, bakeries, and the likes) so the scent will go well with this activity. i like blowing out the candles even more because it reminds me of birthday cake. i’ll also make myself a cup of hot chocolate because it’s my favorite and why not. then i’ll clean and get ready for bed and maybe wear a matching pajama set again or maybe not, and maybe read in bed or maybe not, and maybe sleep way earlier than i typically do or way later, i won’t know because the rush of time doesn’t exist on this day.

of course, my dream day of doing nothing probably looks way different than whatever you dream of. It’s probably different than what i dream of sometimes. i could’ve included going and buying myself a bouquet of flowers and chocolates which i think i would enjoy and pray i get to the point in life where that becomes my typical weekly routine. or i could’ve included shopping because maybe not an everyday activity, but on a special day it definitely is. or going to the theater alone or treating myself to a nice dinner, a cafe, or any number of things i would love to do. maybe your desires are so vastly different but that’s for you to decide and do.

as it is, most days do not look like what i described because time does exist and i do let it get in the way and let me not start with the responsibilities again. but realizing that life is not an ‘all or nothing’ kind of thing might be the only way to enjoy it. because i drink tea while working and it makes it more enjoyable. i listen to fairuz when doing whatever and it helps me romanticize everything. i treat myself to a hot cocoa when i need some comfort after a long day. i don’t have a bath tub but a warm shower at the end of the night provides mundane comfort. on days where i have more time i let myself get lost in my love for turkish dramas and even on days where i don’t have time i might stay up way too long just to make some. my bed is overcrowded with fluffy comforting items every day and night. and i light candles and incense whenever i need to add something to my atmosphere. i cook dinner, however quick or however complex with the small light only and listen to what i want and let myself enjoy the effort that goes into my meal.

on days where i have more time, or more social energy, or more money i might do one of the other million things i love - with friends, alone, however i please. not everyday can look like the most perfect valentine’s day ever and i think that’s okay but everyday can include at least one comfort, however small, however simple, and it can be something you love. treat yourself the way you’re waiting for, with love and care and empathy, give yourself all the little joys you keep in the back of your mind and feel the warmth wrap around you at all times.